I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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