i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize