He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
