My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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