Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
