Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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