Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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