totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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