Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
