It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
