Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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