omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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