drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
