I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
