Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she looked like the before picture.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
