i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dicks are not precious.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
