yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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