Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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