Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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