what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
