remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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