So drunk, too bad you don't want this
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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