I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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