I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
In America we eat man semen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
