i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
