i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
