somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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