Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And then my night got REAL pukey
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
