I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
