Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I love you. Go after that dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
