Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize