I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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