how can u be prego again
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
