Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize