Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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