You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
