the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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