I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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