dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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