Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
