i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
