I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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