We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am available for nakedness
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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