i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
