nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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