im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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