Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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