the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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