She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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