Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter