a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on