and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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