Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
