So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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