I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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