meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
