She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
