I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
