White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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