The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
