Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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