I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
