so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
